well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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