no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
