I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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