Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
