I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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