I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
