The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I sprained my soul last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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