Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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