His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
