I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
