Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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