I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
