I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
