he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
