You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
