I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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