I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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