Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
