and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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