can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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