there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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