Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
