don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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