He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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