Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
