im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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