stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I believe in your delicious
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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