oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
