Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
