My brain says no but my pants say off.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
