also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
