So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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