Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You're like the curious george of whores
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
