do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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