i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The air taste purple.
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