is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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