Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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