i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You made out with two different species that night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize