Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
