does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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