my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
