Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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