I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
