Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No subtext here. People are naked.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
