2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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