There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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