either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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