READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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