if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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