I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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