absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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