Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
