Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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