I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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