I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
