She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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