just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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