Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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