So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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