sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
