Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
