Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
