so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
