The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
