Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
