my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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