get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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